waning crescent

like a veiled statue
without a sculptor

you linger as an otherworldly visage

I place my hand upon your leg your breast your
arm.     you murmur a tremor

the earth shakes off the cold snow of time.

you are real  

waning gibbous

dark hair waxes over soft features
the hills and falling meadows of the valley
like sunlight through splintered glass

lazy summer heat on stone

the reflection of quiet breaths

an exhausted mountain stream
meets the sea

full moon

sometimes your nails are painted
luminescence when you scratch my head

these are the nights
I sleep before you

waxing gibbous

the hand thrown over your eyes

acts as the wing of a
long forgotten bird.     featherless

and smooth as a shadow

first quarter

in the cool light of the street lamp stealing through the blinds
she glows like the angel's idea of the sun

waxing crescent

she smiles at nothing.

her teeth show through lips
as one-way mirrors

behind which is hidden bliss

Moonlit dance

your skin draws upon me in the dark
when i lay down i am nowhere else
                       i am parallel with the earth
there are many layers of concrete btw me
and the sun
                       the mattress hugs tightly on
your curves pulled into itself & expanding
the depression is covered over by long strands
of fabric intertwined without space
                                                       none of this
visible in the dark as i make my way by light
of your phone prone & left face down to sleep
your body is visible in the darkness
                                                         darker &
stiller than the night
                                 i have come merely to
stare at imagined ceilings before i sleep
the white paint gray and morbid
                                                    your soft
breathes your wandering thoughts building
dreams
            the earth rushing as always toward
the sun

Night Pome

light hides what's outside,
along with dreams
swirling at the glass,
heat against the door
seeps in
mixes with my sweat
my hopeless rot and the words
squeeze out
tonight nothing changes
nothing goes forward
just the sun spinning
the earth pretend spinning
the sky black spinning to blue
me staring sleeping yawning
nowhere to go

what was the world at the end of it, were the days the same for all.

quiet here in the dark,
and the snow,
beneath me,
and tho my window closed, I can sense it
as something cold,
vast,
unforgiving, as it stretches white
over miles, highways,
fields.

my cat won't talk to me.
he slinks under table
to lick at his fur
keeping me in the corner of one amber eye.

outside,
the streetlamps are golden
the light cast through my window,
is golden, there's no sound but no sound,
a heavy absence, a feeling to be gained
and lost. and found and
lost again.

my cat stalks ghosts
into the bedroom
breathes heavy, groans,
whines, implores me
to sleep.
but I am not ready to give up yet.

in the morning all this,
and most of all, everything
else will be gone.

Long time coming

Has anyone slept forever?
pressed between layers of purple-white sheets,
calling across the room to bitter sun beaming,

"please end your useless shining sir, this bed is for sleeping only,
and always,"

"always?" setting fire to anxious spiraling dust,

"I intend to sleep a long long time?"
from beneath frothy blankets the answer less a question,
"now I'm getting tired...go away." ah-ha,

"but, I control the time for waking and the time for sleeping,
little girl." and the burning of ants and skin,
the moon tempts the waves, and gaia
moans moans moans until the gravity
collapse and the asteroids,
ah, the asteroids,

let me tell you about them--

what I did last night

falling asleep
in
dreams

leaving
the night light
on

Can't stay up!

three nights I
hang my head,

last two nights
it rained,

I can't keep my
eyes open,

plot holes
left dangling, unable
to answer questions

I drift,
head heavy, mind
wanders,

I am walking through dreams.

there are no places
I recognize,
yet I remember each
and every one,

it is not raining here,

it is all foggy
like the light in my eyes,
erased by morning,

I drag my feet
for the next 12 hours
until the next night
repeats.

There is what is to be said

so many things

I scratch my face

SCAB crumbles
sticks in under my
NAIL

bite it out with
teeth
taste fleshy

chew and mull over

NOW

there is what is to be said

I say it

wipe spot of invisible
blood
invisible to my EYES
dot on cheek
rough skin

curling waves
thinning hair

I watch for movement
out my window
from my perch on sill
I see all
pretend nothing is
going

return to bed

don't forget the light
but I haven't
I never even turned it on

water rushes gurgles
cleans the skin
makes new for further
scaling

moon beams light
waves casts beckons

I twist and turn

remove my clothes
bathed in darkening night

I await the morning

Be right there

and curled up
you are wrapped
sheets blanket
sleeping bag
rubble of twisted
fabric shimmering
body moves cotton
rolling ocean wave
clenching tighter
brace against cool
temperate air
sinking into barely
there twilight of
night light loving
sigh sinking body
measured breath
tan skin unseen
thermal synthetic
bleary sleep dream
commingling
scene shift soften
melt clenching
teeth smooth skin

24 (that moment before sleep)

Want space to think
work my eyes in sockets
pick my brain in
your head it goes
tock tock tick roaming
tock pay for sterile
feelings make believe
me understand me fever-
ed night night
night becoming day becoming
sleepless becoming a day
without sleep woke at 6 didn't
ya? awoke at 6 awake,
Aren't you the same?
a little eastern phantom
storyteller no lie
no offense, I walked up
street this morning to bus
hat folded up in hand,
concentrate concentrate
try not to sweat, lasts all day,
what I did when I left, ah--ah--
what I--ah--what I saw say--
no rain but trick myself into thinking--
rain! I can't wait--there's none
space narrows, eyes narrow
nodding on couch--thought I saw
a rrr--gone now--lids down
lids--eyes--great--pan
flashing--oh you know know
I am running out, haven't put it together
turn off/on set to stand-by
gimme a few gimme a few
hours hours sleep dropping need
sleep

Some days

I'm a big ol' blank slate
with no words,
a terrible failure of a
poet with nothing to say,

I've been lying on the floor
drifting in and out,
sleeping 12 hours a day,
wondering why I can't write,

forcing myself up
every now and then
to vomit out some bile,
to click and save,

I tell myself to ignore it, that
it's a rough patch, that they come
and they go, I can't decide
between coffee or wine

I pour both

I drink neither

I go back to staring at the ceiling, I
try to keep my eyes open,
I fail

I'd rather dream about
all the writing I'm not doing,
I'd rather not think about it.

Sleepy

She tried to relate her
dreams to me still half asleep,
still more in than out, something
about a conference and high school
classmates, always dreaming with
the same cast, not sure why, but it's
no use her words are staggered,
stuttering and she's wondering if she's
coherent (not) while it snows
outside and the afternoon
gives way to night and gray slush,
her voice fading out, breathing
growing longer, heavier, I felt her
chest drop, grow warmer,
surrendering--

Fell Asleep

I was outside
it wasn't raining

I am inside now
and it's raining

I closed the window
turned up the heater
but it got too warm
so I turned off the heater,
opened the window
pulled on a hat,

tried to type--
nothing going--

got very cold
closed the window
left the heater off
left a hat on,

felt alright about it
could've been better
blew onto my hands
shook off the chill,
took off the hat,
rolled up my sleeves,
got comfortable

ready to type--

Count backwards, I'll be waiting

some graffiti from the 1970s,
unreadable, a crumbling wall
reinforced, most likely older,
it's a photograph circa 1978;

lights are out, fusebox something-
something-or-other too technical
to care about about--I've got other things
going on--woke up itching all over,
was it all in my mind, I dunno, but

it felt like it.

fell asleep suddenly at 10,
strange dream (I don't really care
to get into it) at 5:30 awoke suddenly*

*recall last stanza ~Tom

got a shower, half sleeping
half confused,

the sun was yet to break the horizon,
I closed my eyes, hair yet to dry,
two more hours, who knows?

two more hours.

Bedsides besides; 0-0

Besides visions,
I got memories rotting too,
locked up, you realize I'm
dying--dying, I realize
we're all dying--me? I'm just going
about it faster, being eaten away,
last week was a day ago,
a year ago, and how would we
know if time was speeding up, it'd still
be the same for us--I think all
reality is connected through my fever dream-
syncronicity, I died in that bed
in collegeville or should have, I refuse
to go with the cancer decayed in
my stomach pill
    
     --It's too late for that
elipses--em dash breakdown,
     walk toward Holy Light
               mother fucker
language travels through
                                time
is off putting

If I exist concurrently with reality
if I exist at all,

it's 10:30 am

you haven't read this line yet
but you will--

I write suicide notes for practice
at dawn--