Bedsides besides; 0-0

Besides visions,
I got memories rotting too,
locked up, you realize I'm
dying--dying, I realize
we're all dying--me? I'm just going
about it faster, being eaten away,
last week was a day ago,
a year ago, and how would we
know if time was speeding up, it'd still
be the same for us--I think all
reality is connected through my fever dream-
syncronicity, I died in that bed
in collegeville or should have, I refuse
to go with the cancer decayed in
my stomach pill
    
     --It's too late for that
elipses--em dash breakdown,
     walk toward Holy Light
               mother fucker
language travels through
                                time
is off putting

If I exist concurrently with reality
if I exist at all,

it's 10:30 am

you haven't read this line yet
but you will--

I write suicide notes for practice
at dawn--

Repent Dummy Repent

 Faceless men celebrate
docility, segmented body type
follows order all orders,
never asks why, just does

send the electrical receiver
to the brain time-scan-
receptor-default image-
thought machine-

     turn wheel
     place opinion in
     hit key
     wipe system memory
     revert to start menu

conversations begin/end
nod.smile.sleep.repeat.

Five Things

I.
I am the painter of reality
tell me what you want to see
I'll fail to make it so.

II.
If the sky is blue
what claim do you have
to the ocean?

III.
Money is a god concept
a festering techno-organic idea
given power through belief

IV.
My biography
should be published
blank.

V.
I rode a star ship to Earth
long ago
before the whales could cry.

Make Believe

Did this happen yester-
day or were you standing
outside my window under
the cool rain of primitive
stars of all those years ago--

and why can't I remember your smile?
seemed like such a little thing then,
sometimes I wish I'd paid more
attention--

Back then there were
radioactive isotopic
lysergic heat flashes and
the dawn of time; I kept my head down,

I left a secret in the palm of your hand,
a burning time capsule--
a holy revolver--
fired into eternity,

Tomorrow you were shifting
dust on dreary plains
spreading our sigil across time

and I am always the liar,
typing and achieving nothing,
leaving the window closed
behind me,
playing make believe.

October New Year

Gurgling of car engines
up imagined streets,
a hose waters unmanned flowers
over concrete grave site
epiphanies, I hadn't noticed
the sky today, I still don't,
not enough to describe it,

It's an October sky,
isn't that enough for the image,
now you know as much as
I do,

my couch is outside somewhere
fading in what I assume to be
the sun, it's like summer or fall,
or any season we pretend to know,
it fades.

There's no adults on earth
somebody said once,
we're all one organism stretching
back from primordial time
in search of universal awareness
somehow beyond our reach,
calling from inevitable futures,

I am but a seed, a cancerous mole,
in line for nothing, until the end,
going back to nothing, I came from nothing,

I can only prove existence to myself.