Upon Waking

I'll lie naked with you
reading Finnegan's Wake,

we'll  fuck pretentiously
as the late afternoon sun
devours the dying embers
of your body,

there'll be quiet in all directions
the streets empty containers

a feeling like the void
where there should be none,

afterwards
I'll drink coffee
by the cold window
my hand on the glass
feeling the bitter air
on my palm, the warmth
of the heat on my body,

the world is through with
being poor, I am through
trying to be anything but,

I'll wear long johns
and a t-shirt, you'll look at me
with sad, tired sonorous eyes,

leftovers will be hardening
on the table, drying out
becoming impossible to clean,

I'll pick up Wake where I left off,
You'll close your eyes to the world,

we'll march off together of two minds,
accepting the night's end,
refusing what's next.

I Dwell in Milk

NOW

I AM SPEAKING

I AM ART

THE SKY IS ONE WITH
MY VISION
MY VISIONING
MY VISIONARY SOUL

I HAVE TRANSCENDED
                                          to what?
I ask the ether
TO NOWHERE
                                          is [her] answer
WHERE EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING
AT ONCE
I see it all--
                  or I can tell what's missing
I AM TRUSTWORTHY
                                       for
                                   the first
                                      time
I (EXIST) PURELY WITH EVERYONE
I AM BEAUTIFUL
ALONE
TOGETHER
EVER
EVER

I saw the sun fall past the horizon
screaming out the name

I HAVE BURNED AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD

I AM MITHRA

I
BRING
BACK
FIRE
TO
LIGHT
THE
EARTH
EVERLASTING

I am tormented by dreams I know aren't real

you fall asleep in my arms,

as am tormented by dreams
I know aren't real,

we each survive
one revolution
of the infinite

then blackness

I feel your skin as
it melts into mine

there is nothing sadder than time,
said the old gods,
How do I know?

I am one of them

believe in me,
I have one grand trick yet to play,

It is a flower in a meadow
on a continent, between oceans,
on a planet hurtling toward oblivion,

It is a black hole chorus only for you.

The men take my eyes and go

my right eye feels heavy,
it twitches, argh,
I'm killing it, I'm going blind,

am I going blind?

remove your glasses,
eye sinks into skull,
I'm laying on my back,
trying to relax, it's not working,

there's jazz vomiting from
the black box stealing my view,
I suspect it, it watches me,
blazes a million invisible bulbs
into my eye, spears of light
and tiring hate,

put your glasses back on,
screen won't go any duller,
I'm forced to stay leaning on
my elbow, it's getting numb
so I return to my back,

the ceiling looks far away,
it's funny like that and white,
I watch it for a long time
until I don't.

Scripted

I need to stop taking the metro,
it's giving me a big head,
I'm the smartest character on the show,
watching everyone, judging,
I'm reading my great books!
thinking my great thoughts!
and there they are
being worthless, scouring the
newspaper, doing the crosswords,
sudoku, maybe they're doing it
for me I think sometimes, but they
aren't, I still think it though,
maybe it's proof the world's only
in my mind/body/mind and I want to
be the smartest,
I am sad they are missing out,
having no free will, listening to the
drone of their own brain,
I thank them when I get off
at my stop with a nod,
I'm sure it's the last stop and
they go comatose and fold into the blackness,
I decide to check tomorrow morning
to see if the faces are the same,
but I don't care enough to remember them
tonight,
they exist only to appease me in
the knowledge that I am knowing
greater things, that is enough
for them, to be a part of my narrative,
they are faceless pixels hurtling
nowhere, whereas I am beautiful,
going everywhere, understanding all,
they live on my breath, I can feel the universe
expanding inside me, I try to force my consciousness
from my head, it goes elsewhere,
someone is reading Twilight,
I scoff, the bell rings, the door opens
I step out, there is a feeling of relief or
release, or both, there are people
that don't know me shuffling about,
I eclipse them, the station breathes out,
shrinks before me, it is night
the metros eyes go blank,
my audience awaits the morning

Dream Book

I am going to start
a new notebook for dreams
but I do not. I leave it in my
room sitting on a shelf, I leave it
empty, I walk out and close the
door behind me. I do this slowly, I use my foot to
brace the weight so the door won't slam,
I am carrying many things.
They are usual things:
clothes, books, shoulder bag, jacket,
computer.

I head downstairs, cross the lobby
and then back upstairs to the fifth floor
on the opposite side, there are two connected
towers that make up the building, I live on the south end.

Felicia is waiting for me in the north, she's tired
and ready for bed. I just got back from
a three hour bus ride, but it is late,
I guess, so let her go to sleep
without much complaining.

I sit up for a while in the dark listening
to the heater hum, feel the building
relax under the weight of the night,
until I am tired enough to close
my eyes.

During the night, I am dreamless.
I have no reality.

I make a note to remind myself
in the morning but it's lost along the way,
I do not remember why,

I had no paper anyway.

I am a sinking spirit married to the world.

WV Stars

At edge of road
                         big dipper casts points
down on you and
                           awww you gotta look
up, man, up
                  into those stars & focus,

you'll see it
                 moving toward us

Heaven,

             I mean, and know

Every star is older than me,
     and I am older than the universe,

I've gone too far tho
to far to call back, to be heard,
     and my voice is frail now,
                             human.

who watched the stars before
                           we were born?
Why have they drifted so far
                           away?

Jotting notes

1. Cracks in ceiling
      holes in sky

2. Conversations thru walls
      footsteps on stairs

3. Sun hides from its brothers
      behind the earth
        innocent stars

4. I can't escape
      drone of modern man

5. River bed is untouchable
      no trespassing on
        God's private land

6. You'll take my words or money
      both kill the soul

Broke down Broke

A lonely taxi
an island in the right lane
a kidney stone
to be passed,
but not helped
not pushed to the side,
an hour behind schedule,
angry traffic
angry northern trek,
cars diverge to
hidden destinations,
swerve to shoulder,
hit the breaks,
a continuous line
DC to Baltimore
parkway sad red lights
faded out,

can you imagine taking a bus out west?
she says,

I can imagine it,
I can imagine anything,

my mind, my body.

There is slmething about it

You leave messages
for me at 3 am
in a night so far away,

I'm dreaming of places
I won't remember,
soul ticking like the clock
turning in on itself,
running out, counting down,

this all happening at once
outside my control
while the snow drifts, melts,
freezes, makes hell,
this all happening to no one
and everyone all the same,
neverending

laughter, sorrow
happiness, regret,

are words
everything is words
torn up, chewed bitterly, spit out,
repackaged, resent

it's easy, see?--

"Nothing
                ever
                        happened--
not
even
this."

Dream Soap

Dreamt I ate a ton of
vanilla (coconut?) scented
soap, quickly found a toilet
quickly vomited, heaving,
mouth dry, tasted it all when
it came up, when I woke up,
took a quick drink and
tried to remember why I'd eaten
it, no clue, took another drink,
no idea, another drink,
gave up trying, another drink,
should have eaten the apple
scented soap instead.

They were playing Frisbee, I wonder what that means?

keep thinking of the rat,
that one on the bench in university park,
its brains eaten out,
eyes gone,
covered in flies,

I stood there a moment staring,
strange and dead,
weightless, I lost my appetite,
insects crawled in and out of the carcass,

I was no help.

It's a shame some scientist didn't find it first.

Call

living sigil hyper-sigil
five men five motives
small fishing town
the year is 1922
something amiss (no french fries)
missing bodies
impenetrable darkness
gas lantern vigils
in the night,
crashing waves on the shore
bitter cold hurricane winds

soon it'll be morning
soon the act will be up,
the horror the doom,

the unknown--

"the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind..."

fear.

why's that drive called crystal clear sky?

i wonder if starbug
can handle the coming
storm, all alone down
there on that side street
parallel to route 1,
snow prepared to drop
whatever inches on
whatever lands, empty lot
free parking, half mile
away, i can't help but see the curve
of the road out my window,
i'm already planning diner
coffee tomorrow, 5 inches
is enough, i'll tell ya, 5 inches
7am rush hour winter weather
alert, advisory, watch, warning
i walked along the banks of the
pavement stream, the contrails
fading out, the blue skies aren't usual
i don't think before snowstorm clouds,
i'm used to white dull foreboding
emptiness, i hope i'm not
plowed in tomorrow

you should only drink white wine Jack, that'll kill ya

1
there's a video of someone
toasting don Quixote
with a bottle of port,
I thought I knew him,
both him and the knight,
but time lost them to me,
lost them, in something,
it's something, there's
something in particular that
I'm forgetting, something
that'd clear it all up,
the confused memory,

2
last night a memory of
my younger brother staggered
through the door, drunk, vomiting,
he asked me, "please don't leave,"
a dying ember in my soul,
he slept over the toilet bowl
silently, leaning on my legs,
I realized he'd grown up and
somehow I'd missed it, those years
in between, I wonder what he sees when
he looks at me, does he know why I'm
here? Do I?

3
I couldn't take my hand off his back
like if I let go all those years would go,
like if I stayed I could have them all back,
I'd trade it all I thought, I wanted to hold him
like the little boy I'd known in our fantastic superhero
days, in our dreams and stories, but he was gone
from me, like the memory and the statue
and former selves and time,

4
I helped him to the living room,
listened to him snore into the night, he was
someone I wanted to know, it was 4 am

5
I removed myself from the cold
from the moonlight aching through the night
I removed myself from sleeplessness

6
a nightlight flickering
left at 6am
to meet the morning alone