Beneath the Bear

Old light, tired light,
alright, I brought
the rain, pour out my
soul, bear rips open
heart from chest and I,
bedraggled, not reading
in that poetry voice but
from that voice in my head/
heart, audience isn't there,
it's like every trip fantasty
I've ever had,
ther is no individual reality
in a reality entirely individual,
the bear roars to heaven,
I worry about the tone of
my voice, the whine, I
grab my hat, act it out,
it's damp inside, raining out,
I've gotten through seven pages,
I've said my piece, I
leave without saying thanks.

Apartment talk

a guy screamed the other day,
at least I think it was a guy,
it sounded like a guy for sure,
well, he screamed and it was
like he was standing next to me,
it was so loud, so clear,
I wasn't sure if it came from the
hallway or from outside the window,
but you'd think they'd at least muffle
the sound somehow,
After the yell there was nothing,
just silence in both directions for
maybe 30 seconds, then I heard
doors opening, questions in the hall,
"did you hear that?" "what was that?"
"I don't know sounded like..."
a little while after that the doors closed
the silence returned, I sat on the couch
looking up at the ceiling, afternoon light
fading, and I couldn't get one particular
thought out of my head, I kept thinking,
"that's probably the first time those people
have ever talked to each other."

hey hey

chhhhhuerheyhaheheh
chyyayayajajajathinkhaaah--
----no one home static light
faint sound from bathroom
shower next door music playing
water running pop music
off on listen now street cars
tearing into weak pavement
pot holes ground down winter
impact tires one after other
hit same spot (waiting for blow out)
hhheeeheeeehtunkheeeheeeeehtunkhee
ehtunktunkchhhhhyehyeeheychheeetunk
clickclicktickikiikikikikiiihjjajaja
got typing got fingers on keys
sitting computer on lap typing
thinking of another poem in notebook
typing out sounds I hear even sounds
I'm making five lines up shhhshshhhshhshh
scrolling mouse-click-backspace
uh huh uh huh hmm hmm hmm
thinking about playing shearing maybe
or monk or yeah?--ahhh--uh huh I dunno
normally--it goes--whhrrrwhhhrwwhhhhrrr
some sound constant vibration
don't wanna point it out not sure it's--whhr
whhhrreal or just fabrication
and not ready for the answer--click--
spotify click hope it's not on an ad don't
really think I can handle that being the first--
click--tiktiktiktiktitktitktiktkt(password)--thing
I hear--hope it goes right to sax or intro
or--ffffsshhhhh-tunk--tunk--
bwwnaagt--bwagggt there goes--

Thought about this on the subway today

Remember the desert
outside Las vagas
everything dusted
dusty brown, burnt umber
orange, looking sculpted
from the sand,
gas station at corner
selling ice, drinks
gas, only things
you truly need out
there where the city
just plain ends and
sand begins,
Remember filling the car up,
smashing the 8 lbs ice
bags on the pavement,
the caffeine candies
Gabow shoved in everyone's
face,
Remember where were were
headed and how far we had
gone, remember the blue
sky without clouds
and the heat, remember
that fucking heat.

Dreaming Swamp

Stood on this rough
edge, wooden ledge
like a  dock edge kinda,
facing down into thick
green swamp, I undressed
to my underwear, there was no
temperature, in the shallow
swells of the pond I watched
egg yolks fry inside transparent
shells, I held my breath,
my father had gone before me,
had sunk to his knees (wearing
rubber boots), seemed to be alright,
pulling his weight through the sludge,
I didn't question why we were doing this,
I held my breath and
jumped in.

Can't find the road in a bottle

label was the same
but street was cluttered
madness backed up
rush hour mess, wait at
light three times, rain
coming down, smell
of sweat damp stench
M street to Wisconsin
time it takes to get
home on a normal day
what're ya gonna do,
this ain't Kansas brother,
this ain't the open plains

I drew up the memory of
40, walking under overcast skies,
lost in a place I'd never been,
never believed I'd be,

now, here, here
the beer doesn't even taste the same,
it's not unexpected,
and it ain't the west,

I choked it down,
I ordered another.

It was Spring

You wanted to sleep
early last night, you always wanna
sleep early, even turned the lights
out, tho street lamps lit your room
through the green leafed tree beside
your balcony, it was still
pretty dark, noises from the kitchen,
open doors, sound muffled,
we lay there in the dark
my brain was out of thoughts, set
on recharge, you were silent, breathing
your body tensed, relaxed,
subtle shades of blue/grey/purple/dark,
my eyes adjusted,
I felt for your lips

Mapped out

I've got the map
down in my head
memorized the blue line
on the screen page, the red
marker hand drawn state/provin-
cial lines, boston (skipping NYC)
borderline, montreal, ottawa
toronto 24 hour drive along
great lakes thunderbay winnipeg
moose jaw medicine hat dinosaur
bones calgary kickin'horse pass
over rockies vancouver and the pacific sea
north pacific down back into old U-S-A
desolation peak 7 thousand feet up
over ross lake, seattle portland once
again seaside and the sea crater lake
the great big empty yellowstone
and ole montanny butte cross the state
north dakota minnesota milwaukee
on great lakes again chicago heading home
over familiar paths and western PA
part I don't wanna get to
part of line obscured
rather live on that first
half that western bent
this is the hard ink path
we've chosen
this is the goal we've set.

What kind of liar am I?

I'm the kind that can't
say goodbye
I'm the kind that loses time
forgets it somewhere
I'm the kind that says what
he thinks and believes
what he says, most of
the time,
I'm the kind whose life is
one big joke no one gets,
I'm the kind that's effortlessly
dying, formally insane,
I'm the kind that writes down
his every thought but never
reads them,
I'm the kind that can't lie to the
page,
I'm the kind that let's anyone
and everyone down,
I'm the kind that wears it like
a badge, all scarlet and drowned,
I'm the kind that's like this
and I'm the kind that's not.
who I am.

Entry point

My life has
one great schism
there was before
and now after,
there was a terrible
Hurricane, Edd clasped his
hand to door nob,
plates blew off table,
there was an infinite
open space, maroon skies
cerulean floors, a silver statue
without form, without face,
I died and was reborn,
I was someone else and myself,
a mushroom cloud eruption had
slowed down time, while I
sipped imaginary tea at the
top of the stairs,
I'm still waiting for someone to
tell me it's okay to come down.

Space Virus

came down
look at star
shooting westward
always westward
I'm on that trip
on that way
foreveralwaysneverendingly
stuck seeing empty
passage revolving
heat birthed bodies
in the cold sinew
between one form expanding
out from the beginning
one being working the insides
sentient consciousness individual
consciousness is a virus
star grazer we've been infected
with misunderstanding, I'm trying to
get back there, to the first step
to the all-being-one-ness
to the entry point

I wanna see how it used to be,
I want to be what's next.

"Okay," She said.

we waited in line,
with all the other
suckers, we had different
reasons, but we waited,
they waited, all the same,
I tapped my foot,
another guy leaned forward,
leaned back,
then he got up there
and started talking to the
lady, he had mail,
gave his room number,
she left for maybe a minute,
some more people joining us
in line, she came back gave
the guy his mail, they
exchanged pleasantries,
he left, I moved up, looked
around the lobby, too many
old people, too many students,
I just wanted to use the grill,
finally,
I got my turn,
"I'd like to use the grill,"
she took it in,
fixed her glasses,
sighed,
this was a tough one,
this wasn't mail.
"no propane," she said.
"Oh,' I said.
"yeah," she said, "sorry."
"thanks," I said,
"I'll just cook upstairs."
"Okay," she said.

I'm calling you

imagine color
rainbow drawn over
clear sky and you,
white dress nipped by
breeze, smell of flower
can't quite pin it down,
spring warmth and tanned
legs, cloud casts fleeting
shadows, there's a field
you're walking barefoot,
hint of smile, unknowing
gazes into the horizon,
obscured by green, green
trees like everywhere on
the east coast, it's so green,
and the day is fleeting, already
going, afternoon golden sun,
tired sun, earth turning,
another day, a peculiar
way to tell time, the only way,
you rest your hand on the back
of you head, turning turning
toward the sound,
with your other hand waving
imagine the sky blue blue
blue imagine.

Is my life over?

Old man,
your memories
are worth
nothing
to me

COntext CLUEs

HOw'z'it'nOW
I'mjust NOw realizing
justnOW that the moOn
peeksout from leftsideof
building standingstark in
front of me and all blood
moon eclipse I'm watching
wrong direction, THen,
that was then, I was,
I couldn
't wrapp my head '
roud which way which was
it, &living on north/south by north
south highway makes that
pretty sad NOw I kNOw,
I said it myself like,
HOw'z'it'thEN
I'mstill NOt thinking
thisthrough right just not
sinking into where it hastogo#
I just(forget it) I just (I'm gonna
end it) my thoughts scatter like
scatter liek thoughts given way
din-din-din--din-din-din--din
it's en it's en its end is ending
is GOne oh no oh god ah fuck
oh why why why
I wouldn'
t
t
ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt--
hold the k(e)y
WHy'z'it'We find ourselves
here //SO oftEN//